A delicious concoction of tasty morsels of thought, epiphany and general anger management

 
Perhaps There Is Life On This Planet

I have returned, albeit briefly, to my desk job at this Somewhat Less Major Media Company. It is April now, though the weather hardly portrays the month that I have come to know over my years here. The harsh wintery air blows viciously and I seek cover to avoid mussing my hair. I am gently reminded of time that Audrey Hepburn and I spent time on location during her Charade shoot. I mean no offense to Audrey Hepburn. Audrey Hepburn is a dear friend of mine. It was winter in the Alps and the ski conditions were phenomenal. The beautiful vista and the metamphetimines had me ready to hit the slopes. Audrey Hepburn and I spent three glorious days together, making love like Abominable Snowpeople up on high. Audrey Hepburn and I visited the Swiss coffee shops and dispensed advice free of charge to the locals. Audrey Hepburn spoke 4 languages and translated for me as I waxed philosophical regarding life, music, lovemaking and Cheetos. Audrey Hepburn and I were a magical couple and though we were never married, I continue to love her with all my heart. I digress.

I headed eagerly toward my subway stop, happily anticipating the free Internet and coffee that awaited me at SLMMC. I was distractedly dreaming of the copious amounts of pornography that I could view online. I enjoy pronography very much, but what I enjoy most is when they cut out the face of a starlet, such as my ex-wife Renee Zellweger, and paste it to another body, thereby giving the illusion of nudity. There are some clever folks at these sites. Back to the matter, I was walking along to the stop and I bumped into an attractive young female. She was immediately enraptured by my startling good looks. Our eyes met. I apologized profusely for my ineptitude, a lack of grace which I normally do not display. The woman coyly smiled at me.

"Are you Wolinetz?"
"I am."
"I recognized you from your picture on the book jacket of Let's Go Indonesia. I toured there last summer."
"We have much to talk about."

But talking is not what I do best. Making love is. Well, getting myself into hallucinogenically-inspired predicaments is what I do best. Making love is a close second. Work would wait for a few hours. For now, I have discovered a kindred spirit in my Upper West Side neighborhood. We had love to make and things to speak about. Memories to share and moments to laugh about. Perhaps, there is life on this planet.

posted by G.Wo at 10:08 AM